DM: The fog unspools like a serpent. The night is cold. The loneliness of this place weaves into your bones. It is about the witching hour as you first glimpse the—
Player One: Did you say twitching?
DM: Umm… No. As you first glimpse the mouth of the cave—
Player Two: The show I watched last night has a cave in it.
DM: Ok, great… The mouth of the cave opens before you like the very pit of hell. The darkness seemed to be even darker than the cloud-packed sky. As—
Player Three: What was that? My boyfriend texted.
DM: Umm… You’re at the mouth of the cave. As—
Player Two: I hope we get some gold because I need to buy a ton of stuff at the next town.
Player Three: Yeah, me too. The new supplement that just dropped has a ton of new magic items.
Player One: It does? Awesome.
DM: Ok, focus up. As you stand at the cave entrance—
Player One: Does it look like the Genesis cave?
Players Two and Player Three laugh wildly.
DM: It does not look like the Genesis cave. I was describing it.
Player Three: Yeah, it’s cool.
DM: Ok, three goblins leap out of the darkness and surprise you.
Player One: What!?!?
Player Three: Surprised? My character would have seen them.
Player Two: What happened? My wife was texting me.
DM: Three goblins surprise attack you.
Player Three: I would have seen them.
DM: You didn’t. They attack and … all three miss.
Player One: Oh, thank gosh.
DM: Roll initiative.
Player Two: What is that again? Is it a d20?
DM: Yes, it s a d20.
Player Three: Is it plus dex or…
DM: In DnD Beyond just click where it says “initiative.”
Player Three: I don’t see it. Oh, there it is.
DM: Grogoroth del Vorodus, the Destroyer of a Thousand Worlds and Warlord of the Seven Kingdoms, what do you do?
Player One: Ok, well, umm… I wasn’t expecting combat… I… umm… well… I could… but would he actually do that?
Player Three: My character would have seen the goblins.
DM: It’s not your turn. Grogoroth?
Player One: I mean, umm… oh gosh, what? Ummm… ok… umm… oh, there’s nothing really I can do, I guess I just attack with my great sword.
DM: Ok, roll it.
Player One: How does that work again?
distraction after distraction, an image of these times
Sounds just like my game 🙁
Super fun! I’ve been there.
Phones off, or silenced. If you’re not paying attention when you turn starts, your character wasn’t paying attention either. You don’t have to know the rules, or what to roll, but be present at the table, or don’t sit at it.